i havent seen ANYONE discuss what fox news said about muslims. and the growing tension towards muslims after news stations saying they’re scared of ISIS sleeper cells in the US (because muslims are always, always targeted and bombarded with surveillance and locked up and killed under false pretenses of terrorism when this happens) and it fucking scares me so fucking much.
don’t ignore me.
My computer is dead. I have the chickenpox so I can’t go anywhere to fix it.
I can’t go to the community college to argue that they should let me into classes. I can’t work my way into classes online because my computer is dead.
I can’t WORK for weeks because I’m contagious so my livelihood is literally nonexistent.
Plus I mean I’m crippled sick AND I have the chickenpox.
I’m panicked, broke, without classes and I’m entirely fucked lololololol
I was supposed to go to a spoon concert next Wednesday does having the chickenpox mean I can’t go??
I have a really exciting Spoonie Living announcement for y’all! When I started on my 6-month medical leave from work, one of my goals was to create a zine for new spoonies, to help them hit the ground running as they begin their chronic illness experience. I’m calling it Chronically Badass, and it’s finally done!
Here’s what I cover inside:
- Spoon theory
- Getting answers
- Working with doctors
- Work & school
- Friends & family
- Mental health
- Coping strategies
- Online communities
It’s free for download right here (although you’re welcome to donate if you like), so be sure to check it out!
Please also reblog and spread the word so others can find and benefit from this zine.
fr0ttagecheese said: Hi! I'm sorry, but I've always been confused about what fetishization is when it comes to m/m and why it gets thrown around so much when women write I've asked other people, but always got answers that kept me confused. Could you help me out?
Fetishization is basically when you dehumanize someone “other” from you specifically for your sexual pleasure. Say, if you look at your History teacher who is an East Asian woman and you can’t keep yourself from thinking of her as a sexual object (because she’s “submissive” or “petite” or whatever other sexual stereotypes people believe about Asian women) when you should be looking at her as a person and a professional. Or maybe you have a fetish for trans women, or fat women, or black men. You can’t see them outside of a sexual context and sexualize them against their will. You don’t look at them as people. You don’t respect their boundaries. When they don’t conform to your sexual desires—the fat woman doesn’t want you reblogging pictures of her in her wedding dress to jerk off to, or the Asian woman refuses to be submissive and giggly and instead demands your respect, or the trans woman refuses to tell you about her genitals—then you become hostile and even violent because that person “betrayed” you and refused to be the sexual object you are trying to force them to be.
When we’re talking about M/M specifically, we’re talking about treating gay or queer men as sexual objects in much the same way. Your neighbour is a gay man and you need to riddle out whether he’s a top or a bottom. Your son is gay and you treat him like he’s a character in your favourite queerbaiting tv show. A gay man who doesn’t sexually please you—because he’s a POC or he’s fat or disabled or he just plain doesn’t want to be nice to you—is a person you want nothing to do with, because he has nothing to offer you sexually. With gay people, you see their sexuality first and their individuality second, or last, or never at all.
Now, not everybody is going to agree with me on this, but I think fetishization requires a certain amount of privilege between the parties: a white person dehumanizing and sexualizing a black person, a cis person dehumanizing and sexualizing a trans person, a man dehumanizing and sexualizing a woman, a straight person dehumanizing and sexualizing a queer one.
So is M/M written by women fetishistic? It certainly can be, especially when it’s produced/consumed by straight people. However, I’m very much not okay with blanket condemning it as such, especially when we’re talking about queer authors/readers. I take it on a case by case basis. Some books or authors or individuals, you get the sense that they only care about queer issues insofar as the queer people involved give them sexual pleasure—for example, someone who reads M/M but doesn’t support marriage equality or otherwise opposes LGBT issues politically, or someone who writes M/M but is dismissive or oppressive of anyone who isn’t a sexy cis gay man, ie they don’t have a care in the world for POC LGBT, or for trans people, or for queer women. Only the gay men they sexually fantasize about.
So basically: does the text/person treat queer people as objects? Do they dehumanize them? Do they put their sexual desires first when it comes to dealing with LGBT issues and people? Do they treat gay sex as something uniquely titillating specifically because it’s “exotic” and “other” or somehow superior to m/f or f/f sex for no discernible reason? Are they dismissive or hostile toward any queer person who doesn’t agree to or play along with their sexual fantasy or their expectations for how they should act? To me, this would all be signs that you are dealing with a fetishistic person or text.
Any other queer people wanna weigh in on this?
*standing ovation for this post*
Absolutely it’s best to take it on a case-by-case basis.
I think the OP was talking about fiction, at least it looks to me like they were talking mostly about women writers who write m/m fiction whey they asked why fetishization gets thrown around so much when women write.
I don’t care who wrote something that has a character I can relate to in it, and finally FINALLY has some positive representation of someone like me. I don’t need the writer to BE exactly like me in order to write those characters. Straight cis men have always written almost everything, and we don’t demand that they shouldn’t be allowed to write about any characters but straight cis men.
The reason why fetishization “gets thrown around so much when women write” as the OP asked, is because of misogyny plain and simple.
Men have been filling their fictional worlds with every kind of character there is forever, and cis men have always gotten published and advertised and critically acclaimed so much more than writers of other genders that it’s ridiculous. Men have written far more harmful fetishizing crap than anyone else.
Yet where are the cries of “men shouldn’t write lesbian characters!!!!!” Or “men are just fetishizing women when they try to write about any female character!” But as a group, cis men absolutely do far more harm in the real world with their depictions of characters of other genders than any other group of writers you could possibly group together to criticize, as people so very much LOVE to do with women writers.
Men are allowed to write any characters. They’re judged on an individual basis, based on their actual work. That’s because men are considered individual humans and not a group that needs to be marginalized and controlled, like women. When women write, they are fair game to be attacked just for being female and having no right to write about anything other than what society approves for them and then devalues simply by calling it “by and for women.”
I think even on Tumblr, people jump to judge and criticize and shame women who write fan fiction in ways that they would NEVER do to a man writing fan fiction, because they’re so used to giving a straight cis male writer tons of leeway for being judged on the merit of his actual individual work no matter if he were writing any characters of any gender or sexual orientation.
Women are just regularly lumped all together and told that “women can’t do ____” and we’re so used to it that we unfairly blanket-judge all women who write fan fiction and we fall right into what we’re socialized to do, which is to attack women and tell them that they can’t do something just because they are women.
We’re so used to it that we see nothing wrong in telling all women that there will be something inherently wrong with them trying to write m/m fan fiction, without giving the individual writers the chance to prove their ability to understand those characters and write them well, the way we ALWAYS give that chance to men no matter what stories or characters they want to write.
So yeah, I think it’s misogyny that’s behind the fact that cries of fetishization get thrown around so much when women write.Wow, this is a great post and really explains what’s wrong with the waysome people do m/m and why it’s not necessarily a blanket problem that’s automatically going to happen every time someone who is not literally a gay or bisexual cis man writes about a gay or bisexual cis man.
In fact, eons ago when my spouse and I were in slash fandom, there was LOTS of fetishisting bullying from the straight fans. I was excoriated for talking about marriage equality where all they wanted to do was read about buttsex. They made it a very unfriendly environment for two young queer people, and in some ways it helped create our marriage as it drove us together.
I agree with everyone — please let this be a case by case basis so you can harshly condemn those who are doing all the wrong things teacupnosaucer mentioned, without saying that no woman could ever write about two men falling in love without it automatically going down this path. Or misgendering trans men who write m/m, which I’m ashamed to say happened in my old fandom in a really fucking gross way.
love both of these responses! thank you for weighing in :)