i’m just hate watching chasing life now so that’ll work

lol sick people are so whimsical they have so much meaning and strength

they can power through anything

they are so strong for there family

also

also

you knoiw what just no

4 weeks ago
0 notes

i’m embarrassed and angry and tired

i’m embarrassed because my body can’t do shit

i’m angry because my body can’t do shit

i’m tired because my body can’t do shit

fuck this so hard

my mom left last night to visit my grandmother as an emergency because she’s sick

and it’s my job to hold down the fort

and i had to cover for her job

so i watched the 3 boys i usually watch from 6:30-8:30 am from 6:30 am to 4:30 pm

and my body is dying i really just can’t stop crying every time i cry from laughter the tears keep fallling because i’m dying

and my grandmother is sick

and my dog is sick

and THEN i had to wake up at 5:00 am just so i could walk my dog before work and do my sister’s dishes and empty the trash and unload the dishwasher

like the amount of spoons spent there alone 

and my sister is of fucking age

she can do this shit but she doesn’t

instead sshe leaves spaghetti-dirtied dishes in the sink and on the stove for me to clean up the next morning

at work watching 3 boys the power went off

and i had to make friends with a circuit  breaker IT DIDN’T WORK OUT

and it was so hot

and their dog threw up so i got to clean that shit up

and the house is under construction and they shut the water off without giving me a heads up

because you know whatever

and i left work angry at myself for showing my temper but my body can’t handle that day

and i left work upset that this is a reminder that i may never be healthier than i am now and even today i’m not healthy enough to care for children of my own

so emotions runnin high

i get home from work

my sister didn’t go to the grocery

my able bodied sis

and she’s waiting for me to kill this huge ass beetle 

and i have to be honest it was huge

iwasfreaked and she kept screaming every time i almost got it on the dust pan

but we got it out

and then i had to walk my dog after almost dying from a long day

and i asked her if she would walk our dog the last of the night and she said yes

but then she’s scared of our creeper neighbors and scared of the storm so i had to walk him again

AND clean his piss off the carpet

AND load the dishwasher clear the sink change the toilet paper

FUCKING EVERYTHING like between my mom and i this house runs but just me and it’s killer

and now i’m lying here too angry and embarassed to sleep

and there’s too much hurt

and i’m so worked up

my boyfriend came over and helped but that’s just adding to the embarrassment because i seemed so irrational and impetulant but really i’m just hurting

4 weeks ago
0 notes

SOO MAD THO

debating blowing off family last minute and trying to go

but i’m also not confident that i’m healthy enough to spontaneously go into the city and be alone and marching though. i’ve been having a lot of dizziness problems and breathing issues and so i probably shouldn’t do it but gahhhhgahhhhgahhhh

1 month ago
0 notes

Let me just say a thing.

Bisexuality≠Confusion

Let me go further.

Things I’m confused about:

  • Why the longest day is the beginning of summer and not the middle.
  • The ocean. That shit is crazy.
  • Dreams. Do they mean a fucking thing or?
  • My professional life or lack thereof. What do I DO?
  • Why do we leak when we’re emotional? That’s fucking weird. I don’t get it.

Things I’m not confused about:

  • My sexuality.
1 month ago
5 notes

tw eating disorders

brief heads up, i’ve relapsed. i have a separate ED tumblr now because i don’t want to trigger anyone here but i’m having a very hard time keeping the blogs separate. i’ll try my best! i will also always put trigger warnings in the tags and at the top of the post. if there’s anything else you’d like me to be cautious about please just let me know! i don’t know if i’ll share my other url here for the time being. sorry for any triggers and please help me make this tumblr a safe place for everyone, let me know if there’s anything else i should be doing!

1 month ago
0 notes

It’s been a couple weeks since I’ve walked for exercise because I’ve been overspending my spoons lately, but I’m gonna try to walk again. I’m aiming for 2 miles, even though I had worked up to 4. I don’t know, I’m pretty nervous, But I’m gonna do it. So wish me luck!

1 month ago
3 notes

Also this because I’m the worst. But I am also the best crown maker EVER

1 month ago
0 notes

i’m youtube stalking myself and most of it’s cringe worthy but at the same time if bad song writing is my biggest stain i can live with it. so i don’t think i’ll delete it all

1 month ago
0 notes

i can’t help but feel like when these days come up

it’s just proof that i’m never gonna get there

i’m never going to manage my pain well enough to have the life i pictured

and jesus fucking christ

that may hurt more than the pain

4 weeks ago
1 note

lately my memory has been declining so quickly it’s honestly making me nervous. spoonies what do you do? i can’t keep up with myself and it’s freaking me out

1 month ago
0 notes

I’m officially on the hunt for the last three issues of volume 2 of Young Avengers: The Children’s Crusade because I’m cool

but really

where do i get these

1 month ago
0 notes

my dog is very very sick. my family is very very upset. this may be it for him, we’re really just talking logistics now. it’s like the decision has already been made. i’m basically crying all the time. ugh.

1 month ago
1 note

tw eating disorders

Relapse time…

1 month ago
0 notes

shout out to the kids with absent fathers

shout out to the daughters of abusive fathers

shout out to the sons of negligent dads

shout out to the adult children who are still recovering from the heavy hands of their dads

don’t let anyone guilt you for how you treat this day

not every parent deserves a day celebration

some parents just deserve a day of reckoning

1 month ago
91 notes
Mary Caroline: Chronic Canceling

In the last few weeks I overestimated my spoons and I’m paying the price with flakiness.

1 month ago
0 notes